Building Self-Esteem

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is probably the most in demand commodity and it is in very short supply. This is not something that can be obtained in a jar/bottle or in pill form although many have tried. It can't even be obtained solely by reading books or dreaming about it...although both of these activities help lead to it's acquisition. In fact, there is no recipe for it but there are certain things you can do to help create the right environment for your mind to develop it.

I am not a big believer in counseling to develop self-esteem. I believe most healthy individuals could use improved self-esteem in order to maximize their functioning in school, at work, and at home. I am, however, a big believer in laying the ground work and implementing purposeful planning to develop it. Once this is done it is time to go out and start taking action to improve your self-esteem. This is where the reading, self-assessment, and talk need to take a back seat to going out there and interacting with your environment.

Self-esteem encompasses quite a few different things. Sometimes positive activities lead to self-esteem or positive self-statements help build it....but really, no one knows if these activities help develop self-esteem or if they are simply by-products of an individual who already has a well developed self-concept. Much like developing the mind and body one must work at developing their self-concept and self-esteem on a daily basis. When working on improving any aspect of yourself you need a plan. When we go to college we follow a plan that leads to a degree.

When we prepare for a triathlon or marathon or any athletic event we have a certain training regiment we follow with certain strategies that are designed to provide the highest possibility of success.

It is common for teachers and psychologists to state that you or your child has low self-esteem but it is not so common for any of these professionals to devise a plan that will help you to develop this attribute. Why not? Well, for one reason it takes time, plenty of thought and some creativity on the part of the professional facilitating or coaching the person seeking this. It also takes courage, communication, strength, determination, motivation and trust in the one being coached and doing the work/exercises on a daily basis. As an athletic coach knows, you can write the best workouts in the world and if they are not followed by the athlete with the utmost discipline and motivation they really won't do any good.

So it takes a team approach by two individuals who are working towards a common end. Both sides need to communicate and share ideas and thoughts on how to move forward. Each party learns from their mistakes and improves upon the plan. The plan becomes a living and breathing animal that almost takes on a life of its own while at the same time propelling both the client to new heights of success and self-confidence. Each activity and exercise has a purpose and moves the client forward in a positive direction focusing on and maintaining their strengths while at the same time improving their limiters. Activities and exercises are driven by the client's dreams, goals and objectives that begin to become reality as the client starts to interact with their environment in a positive way. Above all else, a constant stream of communication between the client and the coach is available for when the client has a question or idea that he or she would like to express to or bounce off of the coach.

So how do YOU go about building self-esteem?

I have developed my own plan that is partly based in the fields of psychology, education and athletic training. These are the three fields of discipline I am greatly familiar with and have been proven to get results in common ways. Each field or discipline is dedicated to improving an individual's performance whether it be within their own inner mind (Psychology), their field of study (education), or physical performance/health (athletic training). Within these next few paragraphs I hope to sketch-out the steps to be taken when working with a student/client/individual who is interested in improving their self-esteem.

STEP I:

Identify your personal/behavioral strengths and limiters. This is a critical part of laying the ground work or base for your self-esteem development. Being honest and truthful here is critical and taking a good hard look at yourself is mandatory. Finding out what you are doing that is holding you back and impeding your progress is one thing you have to come to grips with before you can start making change. Otherwise you will be driving with one foot on the brake and one on the accelerator. In addition to determining your biggest limiter it is important to determine your biggest strengths. This is where we look at what is working right within your personal behavior. The main idea is to focus on your strengths while we address your limiters.

Step II:

Identify those individuals in your life that are supporting your positive life changes and those that are dragging you down. This is where many of us need to look at those we associate with with a very critical eye. Are your friends moving you in the positive direction that you want to be moving in? Who are those in your life that mean well and want to help but are creating what is called "resistance" to change by their overzealous nature and pushy behavior?These are usually those people closest to you and who have your best interests in mind but who are emotionally involved in your behavior and unable to help due to this dynamic playing out in your everyday interactions with them. These individuals are usually a well intentioned parent, teacher, counselor or friend in your life.

Step III:

Begin to develop your dream life and picture of how your life would be with improved self-esteem, confidence, and positive interactions with others. This is the time to dream big and challenge yourself. No dream is really to big or too outrageous but it is mandatory that the hair stands up on the back of your neck when you think about it. It is also extremely important that you see this dream as a possibility, albeit a long shot.

Around this dream your 3-month goals and annual goals will be built with benchmarks set by you the client. As you begin to work your way towards your dream goal it will become evident that your dream goal is not such a long shot after all but begins to start to look like a real possibility.

This is the beginning of your plan and what all your daily and weekly exercises and activities will be based of off. It is imperative that your dream be tied into your emotions and that your dream is something you want more than anything else. Your dream is just that. Your dream. You determine it and you decide the criteria that will indicate to you that you have accomplished this dream. As with any plan, nothing is set in stone and is subject to change but your dream will point you in the right direction .

Step IV:

Set-up challenges that will move you towards your dream goal. As in athletics if someone is interested in finishing a long distance triathlon they usually set out to complete an event that is shorter in nature but still challenging. This helps build self-confidence and conditioning for the "Big Event". Your big event can be whatever you want it to be, and guess what?, your chances of success are actually quite good if you are able to follow the plan and stick with it. Same goes for your self-esteem/dream goals. Your 3-month or 6-month challenges will be significantly related to your dream goal but will not be long shots at all but will be challenging.

Step V:

Revisit steps I-IV and keep what works and throw away what isn't working. Revise your plan as necessary and move forward in the process.

Conclusion:

As you can see there is no magic pill to developing your self-esteem and your dream life. It takes hard work, purposeful activities, objective evaluation, and positive support from friends and family. This is what I like to call educational coaching. Although you can call it what you like. It is focused on you the client. It is focused on moving you forward, what is working right in your life, and it is focused on your successes not your failures. You are in control and it is designed to move you in a positive forward direction with you controlling the pace. This is not a program intended for those content with stagnation in their life, those that find it hard to motivate themselves, those that rather find excuses than solutions. It is a challenge to those that want to improve themselves in all areas and aspects of their life but need support, objectivity and a daily plan to help move themselves forward. You bring the motivation,,,,I bring the plan.